Buy Back
Sometimes I really wish that I were wrong about everything. I wish I were wrong that my life is going nowhere and that I’ll be alone my entire life, but I’m not. I wish that I were wrong that I’m ugly and that I am nothing that anyone would want or that I have nothing to offer anyone. Unfortunately, this is all true. I would like to say that I’m ‘on track’ and that I’m following all the rules of life that are supposed to get you where you need to be. I warned myself that I wouldn’t be able to hear all the things that have been said to me then next time I hear them from someone else because the guys before were lying. Apparently, I wasn’t wrong about that either. It turns out that even the most recent things said to me were lies. I guess I’m smart enough to see it, but not smart enough to believe it. I keep hoping that maybe the next time, they will mean it. They won’t.
I guess that fact that I will be single my entire life is a combination of default and ineligibility for interest from other guys. I am adding to this combination the fact that this is going to be a conscious choice from now on. I can’t deal with another intense attraction being nothing more than another let down. The way things are now is the way things will always be. There’s nothing more that I can do to change this. I feel like I’m working as hard as I can in every aspect of my life and it’s getting me nowhere. There’s something that I’m not ‘getting’ that everyone else seems to understand. I’m done. I don’t know why I care and I don’t know why I should try anymore.
What I really don’t understand is why someone would say things that they don’t mean. It really hurts and I can’t listen to it anymore in the future. It makes me really sad that it has come to this and I have been so let down by the world. And what makes me even more sad, is that I have to accept responsibility for this.
I just want to put a comment for the last paragraph. People attend to say things they do not mean, because we like to hear them believe or not
This is sad but true. At the moment of lie, the person we are interacting thinks that if s/he lies it will sound good. i am honest with the person I love, but he lied to me several times. his explanation was not good (it can never be good.) do i still love him? yes, i do. he had his own reason to lie. do i accept everyone who lies to me? no, i never do. there is someone out there who completes you, your companion. you do not have to research for that person, because he will find you. always, value yourself, because you are great, you are everything. if you do not like something, it is in your way, you know what to do. after putting a long comment, i shall say ’see you later.’